"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
