At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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