I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
