Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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