i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
