I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize