Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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