ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
