hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
