A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
