At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
