so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Randomize
