I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
