Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
