Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
