some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
