She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So many bounce houses so little time
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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