i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have tasted many bathrooms
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
