I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
