Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
