theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
