youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
