I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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