You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
