i jhust puked up my retainher.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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