Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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