Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
