dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
