He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
