Barsexuality is the new black.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
