i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
