I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize