So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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