I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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