Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
