I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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