I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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