Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
