Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
