we're chasing vodka with high fives
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
