Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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