Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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