you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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