He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
