id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
