i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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