I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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