I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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