apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
