you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
