There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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