Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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