i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
