i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
