He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
