she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
