Got a toothbrush?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
