Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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