just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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